Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You are a genius and a whore.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
