wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
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i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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