I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
