I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
