I wanna passion pit in your ass
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
