how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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