If i come over, it means nothing
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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