I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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