you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
