can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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