I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My vagina just clenched in fear
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
