Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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