Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
