i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
