you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
