Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
