Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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