dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
