It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
