my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
