For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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