Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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