I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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