his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
