Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
