Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
