forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
