mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
