I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm passing your future prison.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
