people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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