She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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