So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
