nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
