Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
