I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
