I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
