Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
