I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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