I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
