Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
