my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
