well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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