how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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