Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
