I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
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Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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