i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
