and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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