I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
