mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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