The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
