ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
