Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
