i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
