Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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