Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I need a burrito and a hug.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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