Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
