He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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