he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
