get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
