We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
