Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
