LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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