so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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