My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
