hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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