What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it's not cheating when I paid for it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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