it wasn't lemon gatorade
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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