After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sext me about skeletons
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
