I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
