I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
