some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
